Is my spouse spying on me? Yes & NO

Is my spouse spying on me? Yes & NO
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How to Respond If Your Partner is Spying on You

Some of the things a spying wife, husband, or partner does aren't simply offensive; they're also against the law. How can you safeguard yourself?

Is my partner watching me?

While your partner may have your trust, does she or he? Likely, they don't if you think your husband or wife is spying on you.

Whether you have something to hide or not, it still seems like a terrible invasion of privacy to know that you are being watched.

Some of the things a spying wife, husband, or partner does aren't simply offensive; they're also against the law. You cannot be directly attacked in a divorce or custody dispute based on the information your spouse learns about you through illegal snooping. However, if your spouse can hide his or her traces and the unlawfully acquired information points to legitimate sources of information, your spouse's eavesdropping may end up costing you in court.

Another red flag that your marriage is in peril is the fact that your partner is spying on you.

Is my spouse spying on me? Yes & NO


Why would my partner be spying on me?

For a variety of reasons, your spouse might spy on you.

Spouses who snoop are typically looking for signs of an affair. However, there are other reasons why spouses might spy:

Your spouse might spy on you to find out if you're using drugs, alcohol, or spending time with people they think are risky or negative influences (such as an ex).

Your spouse might suspect that you are stealing from the family business or secretly spending more money than you should be.

If you're acting like you're going to work, your spouse could suspect it (much like Don Draper in Mad Men).

If your partner is paying for your education, they might question if you're attending classes.

Some folks simply have a paranoid suspicion of everything. Your partner can be more worried about being cheated on again if they have previously experienced it. Your spouse has an excellent reason to be wary if you were the one who previously cheated.

Some people lack confidence. An uneasy spouse could need assurance that you aren't lying or cheating.

Controlling individuals exist. They are aware that knowledge equals power, and the desire to control others. They have a sense of control over you when they know what you're doing, even if it's innocent.

Regardless, if your spouse is watching you, they are probably either trying to catch you having an affair or just curious (read on here to learn the completely legal ways that people can catch their spouse cheating).

You can be leaving hints all over the place if you're lying, cheating, or trying to hide something—a whispered phone call, a rapid switch of computer screens, an unexpected expense, etc. Perhaps your partner has asked you directly about these issues; alternatively, perhaps he or she is hesitant to. Even if it hurts, your partner might just want to know the truth so that they can move on with their lives, possibly without you.

A divorce or custody dispute may be the reason why your husband is spying on you.

In North Carolina, a spouse is entitled to alimony if the other spouse is dependent upon them and the court determines that doing so would be just and equitable given the facts.

Marital wrongdoing by either spouse is one of the considerations a judge will take into account. A court must order the supporting spouse to pay alimony to the dependent spouse if it determines that the supporting spouse had an affair.

The court may, at its discretion, award or refuse alimony to the supported spouse if the supported spouse or both spouses engaged in adultery.

If one spouse approved of the other's adultery, that is not seen as "marital misbehavior." Therefore, the court would not regard infidelity as a factor in awarding alimony if one spouse forgave or accepted the other's infidelity despite knowing about it.

Concerning post-separation support, the same problems exist.

When deciding on child custody, the court may also take infidelity into account.

The affair is relevant if the cheating spouse used a large number of marital assets on it, even though in general an affair will not be a factor when it comes to the division of property. For instance, did the adulterous partner purchase pricey presents for a girlfriend (like jewelry)? Did the adulterous partner pay for the lover's hotel stays, and trips, or even set him or her up in a "love nest" apartment?

Criminal Talk and Affectional Alienation

To gather proof that could be used to file a civil case for criminal conversation or alienation of affection against the spouse's paramour, a spouse who suspects an affair may spy on the other person.

The lover could be made to pay compensation for:

Loss of consortium (marital sex and affection), Mental agony, Humiliation, Health Damage (from stress and other circumstances), and Loss of Financial Support by the Cheating Spouse.

Punitive damages might also be demanded from the lover by the damaged spouse.

How can I know if I'm being watched?

If your wife, spouse, or partner exhibits any or all of the following behaviors, you may be able to determine if they are spying on you:

keeping an eye on your mail, email, calls, and/or text messages

keeping an eye on your use of social media (such as Facebook)

GPS tracking of you or your vehicle

You being "bugged"

observing you with a "nanny cam" or another form of video surveillance

having a private investigator follow you

Currently using any of these tools on their device while following you personally

Internet and email surveillance

It's possible that your spouse can access your email without any special software or equipment. If your computer or smartphone is not password-protected, he or she might just check them when you're not using them.

Additionally, your spouse could be able to access your email and online accounts by knowing (or guessing) your passwords.

Additionally, your partner might put spyware on your phone or computer that would enable remote monitoring of your emails and websites (including chat rooms and dating services).

Keystroke tracking software and technology, often known as keylogging or keyboard capture, can enable your spouse to monitor each character you type, even passwords to your bank accounts. You may check to see if a keystroke logger is installed on your computer using tools (like this one).

How else can you determine if spyware is installed on your computer?

Spyware should be detectable by an antivirus program like McAfee or Norton (or prevent it from being installed in the first place). The least of your concerns should be that your spouse is spying on you if your computer doesn't have anti-virus protection.

monitoring of cell phones

The ability to examine your text messages, call history, GPS location , contacts, images, and other data may be installed by your spouse using a tool called phonesheriff INVESTIGATOR. This specific program depends on your iCloud backups to function, thus if you change your iCloud password, it will no longer function.

Your Apple iPhone is particularly susceptible to spyware if it has been "jailbroken."

Your spouse might have jailbroken your phone if you didn't install spyware. You may find out and return the phone to its factory settings using this website. Before you reset your phone, make sure it has an iCloud backup!

Bugs that monitor phone calls and others

Your spouse might be knowledgeable or wealthy enough to bug your house, workplace, vehicle, or (landline) phone. The following are some indicators that you may have been bugged:

On your phone, you hear strange noises or notice volume shifts.

Even after you hang up, you can still hear sounds coming from your phone.

When your phone rings, you frequently hear a faint tone, squeak, and/or beep but no one is there.

Interference appears abruptly on your FM radio or TV.

There is a problem with your electrical wall plates.

The floor is covered in white-wall dust or detritus.

A gift from your spouse that is an electronic gadget (such as a clock radio, boom box, or CD player) or even a teddy bear could conceal a bug or a surveillance device, which is said to feel like you have to "look a gift horse in the mouth."

being pursued

How can you tell if someone is watching you?

Observe your surroundings. Avoid constantly looking at your phone or playing music. Take careful note of the people you observe and the passing vehicles.

If you're driving, go slower and watch to see if the automobile in front of you goes slower as well. Pull into the right lane and maintain the posted speed limit if you're on a highway (or just below it).

Stop abruptly if you're walking. Set your phone to take a "selfie" after which you can use it to look behind you to see whether anyone is waiting for you to resume going.

Even though it's a tired thriller cliche, you can also "follow the follower" by hiring a private investigator to determine whether you're being followed. To learn more about working with a private investigator, click here.

What should I do if I find out my spouse is watching me?

When you learn that your spouse is snooping, you have several options.

Being completely honest and open is one way to respond. Admit any wrongdoing and seek counseling to mend the relationship's damage.

Offer to share passwords and "friend" each other on all of your social media accounts if you haven't done anything wrong and don't intend to. Install a GPS Tracker or similar app on your phone so your spouse can always know where you are.

Investigate your spouse's motivations for spying on you as an alternative response. Is the issue with you, your partner, or your relationship? To tackle these problems, you could require couple's therapy.

You could also opt to make it very difficult for your partner to spy on you in the hopes that they will give up trying. You can, for instance, utilize (and change) passwords on all of your gadgets, run anti-spyware programs, and have your house and workplace bug swept.

You can conclude that the spying proves your marriage is irreparably destroyed and file for divorce.

You can seek criminal penalties or civil remedies if you believe your spouse violated your privacy and especially if you believe they pose a threat to you or others.

Additionally, there are ways to approach your spouse that will help keep things stable even if they have accused you of having an affair even though they aren't truly spying on you.

Spying Penalties in the Law

Spying can violate local, state, or federal laws.

For instance, if your spouse is found guilty of breaking the Federal Wire Tapping Act, he or she may be given an order to discontinue the unlawful behavior at the very least. A judge might instruct them to stop recording their calls, remove spyware from their computer or phone, etc.

If your spouse has violated the Act in the past and does so again, there might be fines of $500 levied against them.

For breaking the Act, your spouse might spend up to five years in jail.

A Class H Felony is committed when the North Carolina Electronic Surveillance Act is broken. The victim will be compensated for damages at a rate of $100 per day, up to a maximum of $1000. Additionally, you are entitled to punitive damages to punish your spouse and attorney's fees to pay for legal representation under state law.

Civil actions against spies' spouses

According to North Carolina law, you have the right to file a civil lawsuit for invasion of privacy against your snooping spouse or husband.

Following is a definition of this tort:

A person who willfully violates another's solitude, seclusion, or private affairs or concerns, whether physically or otherwise, may be held liable for the other party's breach of privacy if the violation would be highly offensive to a reasonable person.

Invasion types include:

Physically entering a person's home or another private location, listening in on conversations with wiretaps or microphones, looking through windows, making repeated phone calls, checking another person's bank account without authorization, or opening their mail are all considered invasions of privacy.

After using spyware to track her emails and online behavior, an ex-deputy sheriff was sued in 2012 in Brunswick County, North Carolina by his ex-wife. She received compensatory and punitive damages totaling $25,400 from the jury.

What shall I now do?

You can read all of our information at our Spousal Spying Help Center if you still have questions regarding the practice. Visit our Forum and Ask an Attorney for Free if you have any questions that reading an article won't be able to answer.